Wanted Ad: A New Best Friend

Due to foreseen circumstances, i have recently been unlucky enough to lose my best friend. Therefore, i'm in search of a new one to take the old one's place.

Job Description:

1. You will be responsible for keeping me company wherever i go and whatever i do & will expect the same from me. We will be responsible for our projects, undertakings, and implementing any brilliant / destructive ideas that get us into trouble together.

2. You & I will be responsible for keeping each other sane in times of crises, helping each other through the rough parts that life throws our ways, and sharing each other's pain and joys (does not include spouse. :P ).

3. You will listen to me bitch, act cranky, whine like a kid, see me cry, shout with joy, and will always be there to pat me on the back when i do a job well done, or clapse me when i need someone there. Can expect the same from me of course.

4. You are expected to NOT to act like a guest in my house and definitely not keep asking me every three seconds whether such and such is fine with me. As far as i'm concerned, everything's fine.

5. You will not keep track of who did what for whom as far as we're concerned. I lose track of things i do for my best friend. You're expected to do the same and not keep reminding me of what i've done for you.

6. You are expected to fight with me, call me names, and sometimes ensure that we get on each other's nerves and vice versa. However, in the event that something happens, you are also expected to forget the events and become even closer friends than we were before.

7. You are expected to be closer to me than anybody else in my life. A "Together Forever" sorta thing.

8. You are expected to teach me about life, about living and are expected to learn as well from whatever i have to offer, so we're both stronger for the bond.

9. You have to be amongst the best damn! people i have ever met in my life.

Benefits:

A place where you can always watch the latest DVDs, on the latest Dolby Digital 5.1 DTS Sound System, whilst we eat pop corns and laugh our lungs out.

A driver who'll always complain about picking you up and dropping you.

A Punching bag, who will take your insults like a rock and still manage to cool you down.

Someone who'll listen to you bitch about life and still tell you that things are going to be great.

In case you qualify for the above, please mail me at XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. Subject to availability of the position, you will be contacted.



DEDICATED TO MY BEST BUDDY, WHO'S LEAVING THIS COUNTRY FOREVER!!!!

I'll miss you lots. Safe Journey and All the Best.

Thanks For Always Being There For Me & For The Best Years Of My Life.

Loneliness Visited

I took a visit to my best friend 'loneliness' today. It was the usual journey. First i fell into the dark pit of the 'Gloom of despair', than traversed the road of 'why me'. I somehow met 'Selp pity' and 'Self loathing' today too. I stopped awhile at the 'Cave of Emptiness' and then finally after crossing the bridge of 'Dark Depression' quickly (legend has it that people who fell off this bridge, never totally recover), i met my dear dear friend. The journey as always had exhausted me.

He was waiting for me, just like he always does, near his place in the darkest regions of the 'Human Soul'. One thing i like about him is that he doesn't talk much.You usually have to do most of the talking. Today however, i was silent too for a long time. The sound of distant church bells, and a few birds flew overheard squawing were the only thing that disturbed our time together for that period.

After sometime though, I started talking to him. Told him why i came to him. He already knows most of my stories. How i always am being hurt over what seem to be trifle things to others. Thank God! he never tells me i'm over-sensitive, like others do. He knows that i think i don't belong in this place, that i think i'll never do. I poured out my heart to him. They don't understand me.... Why do i have to be the one who's always being made fun of. Why is it that everyone's else's friends are cool and love them, and yet mine never happen to be around for me when i need them? Why is it that no matter how nice i am to people, they're never nice to me back? Why is it that i'm the one who has to make sacrifices all the time, who's taken advantage of, the one who has to be the only one who's different from everyone else?

He didn't say anything much even after this outburst of mine. Just was sitting next to me. Maybe he too wasn't listening to me anymore, probably gotten tired of me just like everyone else. Then out of nowhere, he said "Why do you let people take you for granted"? I was shocked. What??? What do you mean?". "Why do you let people take you for granted?" he said again. I said," I don't know what you mean loneliness. I just do the best i can to make people like me. I want them to like me to really like me for what i am....to look up to me...to love me...'.

He said, "Why?. Why can't you just be yourself, instead of being a slave to others.". I was shocked. "What do you mean, slave to others. I'm not a slave...i'm not a slave at all.", i said. He said, "Aren't you? You come to me when others drive you close to the brink. You come to me when others take swipes at your self-confidence, your ego, your self-esteem. You come to me when they make you..... The same people whom you want to love you..... You put your heart out for everyone to trample on, rest assured it will be trampled on".

I was just listening to him and was going to open my mouth to protest. What did he mean by all that. I'm me. I'm different. I'm slave to no one. Yet somehow i couldn't protest. Thoughts ran in my head. "Was it true", was i really letting people take me for granted and not being myself. What was being myself really mean.

"It means", he said as if he'd read my mind, "that no one respects a floor mat, a whiner, or someone who cannot stand on his own, and it means that no one respects a person who doesn't respect themselves. Being yourself means that you work independently of what you think people want you to be or do. It means that you do what you want to do. It means you find happiness in what you are and what you want to be. It means that you are independent from the emotions & constraints of others. People are meant to be like that. They have to find faults. They'll tell you in a thousand ways why something cannot happen and if you should win after a long struggle, they'll tell you they were with you from the start and how happy they are, and how much they love you. Forget people."

"but Loneliness....it's so hard......how can i be what i want to be", i said.

"do you think that the greatest thinkers in the world really cared what people thought of them", He said. "Enough!!...just remember....it's not the hare that wins the race of life, it's always the mule. The person who can carry the most burdens, pain, and still crosses the finishing line is the winner, because the race of life is only with you. The race is not with your neighbour, not with your friends, not with your ideal person. It's always only going to be about you. Only you matter. It's the person who can take the most knocks and still get back on his feet the fastest, who wins this race".

My mind was racing. What did he mean by all this? He must have read my mind again. In his calm way said, "Life is not about goals, about how many women to get to screw, or how much money you're making. It's about the bigger things in life. In your haste you forget how much you've been given. Do you know everyone of us is equal in every way. The king you see at the throne you may envy, but the king cannot sleep because he's disturbed every night by thoughts of his empire falling around him. The beauty pageant model you envy, yet do not know the hellish nature of her life. She does not know what real friendship means. You may only have a small home, but you have a family who loves you, one good friend, a dog who'll do anything for you. We're all equal, it's just how you percieve your circumstances".

"Now you must go", He said suddenly, "Your time here with me is done. I know you don't understand what i said.", "But", he suddenly got up "You will when you grow older and wiser. Just remember.....the only ones who wins is one who is himself, who respects himself, and who gets up the fastest when life brings them down".

He left me then.....

IT

It comes in the wind,

It’s enters through passages that have not been mapped,

It’s following me,

I can feel it coming,

I can feel it coming,

It’s near me,

It’s in me,

I shake as it enters, I tremble, I’m flushed with giddiness,

It’s brilliant,

It’s a creative idea.

Reflections Of A Star Crossed Lover

I had always known in my heart that I loved you. Yet somehow I never expressed my love the way I could have. I had always assumed that your love was mine and would never belong to another. Maybe it was that thought that made me take you for granted. Oh! I showered you with trinkets, meaningless baubles, and lines taken from poetry written for love struck fools. But somehow it was as though I could always have done more.

I had always sneered at those that say 'Those who haven't loved don't know what love is'. I mean what nonsense is that? I had my idea of love down pat. It would turn my world around; I would soar amongst the clouds ; I would always want to be with her ; I would shower her with everything I had. Yet, when I found you, I didn't experienced any of these sensations. Ours was a quiet love. I didn't see stars exploding. I didn't feel my world turn upside down. Infact, many times I questioned whether I was even in love. But what we shared - those quiet conversations with you sitting by my side ; those phone calls deep into the night ; those crazy ideas we would implement and laugh hysterically over ; those stupid jokes that neither of us found funny, yet laughed over anyways ; those fights when I would say something wrong and hurt you and then would try to make it up to you ; those days when I would run away when I thought I had gotten too much of you, only to come back begging for more. I cry when I think of those times . If I had known then that our time was limited, perhaps I would have done differently . And those times when I would take my anger out at you. It was never your fault. I just needed to get my emotions out. All this was new for me. All this wasn't in my dictionary of love.

It has been almost a year now, and yet I cannot let you go. And then you said we should go our own ways. I thought " I don't care " . I kept telling myself that over and over again, hoping that I might come to believe it too. For the first few weeks I did not think of you even once, and I was proud of myself. I had thought that it hadn't been love after all and had reverted back to my previous life before you. Such arrogance hath a fall. For later I did start remembering. I would look at couples walking along and felt this strange pain within my heart. I never really thought love could hurt. I just thought it was fun, all sunshine, roses and laughter. I went to places that you and I had been to and would sit there motionless, just staring at the images playing in my head of what I had said to you there, the way you had laughed and the way we had been. People said i was changing, becoming quieter. I would laugh it off , but I knew deep down that they were right. I started dreaming of you at night. My dreams were always the same. I would be lost and scared until you would come and find me.

You had understood me more than anyone else. You had been there for me when I needed you. You had put up with my mood swings, my bad tempers, and my days when I would be unreasonable. And still I had not thought that this was love.

I know now that it was. I know now that I had loved you. I had loved you, even when I hadn't known what love was and I miss you now more than I had ever done before. I miss you next to me. I miss talking to you. I miss walking with you. I miss everything that we once used to do.
And now you are getting married. You are getting married to someone who is not me. Where did we go wrong ? Why did our love never come to fruit. I will never know.

Maybe I should have tried harder. Maybe I should have expressed my feelings better. Maybe then you would have stayed.