Saying Goodbye

Click!...Whirrr!..Click!.....Whirrr!....the flash of the camera and the whirr of the film were my last memories as I said goodbye to them silently. They were lost in their own world...having fun, laughing, chatting together and I was lost in mine, contemplating my new life ahead. A life in which none of them had a part to play anymore. They didn't know that of course but that was only because I hadn't told them I was leaving.

"Hey, take my picture already, you bimbo. What are you waiting for? The cows to come home", said that familiar voice which I loved talking to...share everything with. "Not in the least bit madame. I was merely waiting for a lovely model for my camera. However since she’s not here and you’re here, I guess you’ll just have to suffice", I rejoined back, smiled and then took her picture. She was the person with whom I had spent the best part of my time there. She had been the person with whom I had shared every complaint & every happiness…just with her…learning about the world, my life, everything. But even she wasn’t aware of the fact that I was leaving. I didn't have the heart to tell her. I mean how can you say goodbye to someone whom you love more than yourself sometimes.

Picture taken, she came and stood by me. "Hey you're coming to the party tomorrow right", she inquired. "I'll save the best of me for you...if yes", she winked and grinned mischievously. Flirtation was a part and parcel of our friendship and neither of us took it seriously. "Of course I am", I lied and grinned back. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world, unless some beautiful….OW!”, she didn’t let me finish the sentence and had punched me playfully. “I’ll see you tomorrow night, Mr. Wannabe Casanova”, she said as someone called her. She smiled at me and then moved on to talk to the person. I looked at her receding back and the thought that she would be disappointed tomorrow and that too on my account made me feel worse than anything.

"Hey Mr. Big Shot, what are you doing over there....the food's here, come and join me", he said. That was him. Always looking after the others. Always wanting the best for them. He was the person who had motivated & inspired me to develop into the person I wanted to be. He had always looked out for me from day one & when I would get myself into situations that were too much for me to handle, he was always there to guide and help. I was grateful to him for that. "No thanks....not too hungry today", I said. "Hmmm!!! don't diet too hard...you'll get thinner and then you'll actually get a girlfriend" he said jokingly and grinned....I grinned too...."Sir, if you don't watch out...you're going to lose all of yours" I retorted. He looked at me and then burst out laughing. It was hard to define what made us bond like we did, but it was there. It was definitely there.

Infact, everywhere I moved..."Hey"...."Join me"..."Come here", were the calls that accompanied me. I was a part of their group. They treated me like I was one of them, and in my heart I knew that I did. In that entire time that I had gotten to spend with them, never had I ever felt that I didn't belong and in all honestly this was the first time in my life that I had ever felt this way about anyone.

But I had to leave them. It was fated to be. That's why a proper goodbye would have been so tough, so hard to bear. How do you say goodbye to people who are not your family, but sometimes are far closer than an actual family could have ever been. It’s so hard to imagine that sometimes that a dysfunctional ‘family’ comprising of a group of people who were bunched together without their consent, can ever take place of a real family. Yet it was true in my case and perhaps for many others like me too. That's why I couldn't. That's why I just had to leave....leave them without looking back even once....because if I had....I would have broken down.

'Click'.....'Whirr'.......one last picture....of them...of me.....Us...together...one last memory......one last hug.....one last 'Goodbye, see you tomorrowwwwww'.....one last moment...before my tears fell